Category: Friendships

Why a Vibrator is the best present you could give your friend.

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We all deserve a bit of self-lovin’ and we certainly all deserve to feel good about ourselves. So, why not let our friends know they deserve it to by giving them a fun new toy to try?

Some people feel good by working out, others feel good by doing a full face of makeup, perhaps some baking, or hitting over 100 likes on Instagram. Some people, well frankly, some people just need a good wank (that’s one word to tick off the list).

Buying your friend a vibrator is the best way to say “hey, don’t forget to take care of yourself and have a bit of ‘me’ time”. It shows them that you care, you want them to feel good about themselves and love themselves as much as you love them. It gives them a helping hand without actually giving them a helping hand (if you’ll pardon the pun). Female masturbation is still a taboo topic and often makes people cringe or squirm. The act of buying a vibrator or any sex toy for that matter is something many people shy away from and sometimes don’t do out of embarrassment.

But why are we so ashamed of self-pleasure and the fun toys that can help with that pleasure? I’m not saying you should upload a story of your dildo captioned “LOVE my new purchase thanks @Annsummers xo” or have a shelf in your bedroom proudly displaying all the different sex toys you have, but I am saying that it’s certainly something you should embrace and not be ashamed of.

Talking about sex with friends might be something you do a lot of or it might be something you never do and at the end of the day, we should all act within our own comfortable realms. But talking with your girlfriends about masturbation, what works for you and what doesn’t, is a perfectly normal conversation. You might even end up helping each other out, giving suggestions of toys to try or websites to go to. Often people might be too shy to take that first step and that’s why giving your friend a vibrator for their birthday might just help them on their way and start a nice journey to discovering the wonders of self-pleasure.

Health.com reported that Women in their late 20’s masturbated the most and “Indiana University’s most recent National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that 72% of women ages 25 to 29 lent themselves a hand at least once in the past year”. They also reported however that a survey in 2015 showed that 20% of women had NEVER lent themselves a helping hand. Now, this is not to be judged as wrong or strange, because maybe they’re just not into that or comfortable with it. That being said one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful relationship we have in life, is with our body and by not showing that relationship some love we might be potentially damaging it. I wrote it once and I’ll write it again, an orgasm a day (who has the time) keeps the doctor away.

Moral of the story is that for ‘Galentine’s’ day this year we should all be doing a giant secret Santa, where the only present can be a sex toy accompanied by a box of chocolates. Because what’s better than chocolate and orgasms?

It’s all above board- Literally

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Remember “1,2, You’re a prude, 3, 4, You’re a whore” Well this is “5, 6 that was quick, 7, 8, I’m not going to count it at that rate”*

*not quite as catchy but you’ll get the gist*

When we think of the word sex we usually think of your bog-standard, fun for most, penetrative sexual intercourse. You know the one: shagging, rumpy-pumpy, bonking, lovemaking, sometimes ‘not in love’ making, straight up one in one out kinda deal.

Well does this word SEX really have only one universal meaning and furthermore shouldn’t we all be entitled to give it our own definition?

The definition of sex taken from ‘Lexico.com’ (a site that is made up of Oxford University Press and Dictionary.com) is as follows:

sex:

NOUN

  • 1mass noun (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.

The word ‘sexual activity’ is what stood out to me here, because in my mind sexual activity extends to what Americans refer to as all the ‘bases’. Surely a virgin can partake in sexual activity?

An anonymous woman got in touch with me and supported a previous point I’d made –

“no one should tell you your number”

We’ve discussed what sex means, and what it means to different people. That frustration you feel when you walk into your uni kitchen to see, after bringing back a guy last night, your housemate has automatically given you a tally on the infamous chart (if you know, you know). Is this because we automatically assume a drunken night with a stranger ends in sex? Or is this because we all have different views of what constitutes sex? For example, a drunken fumbling may mean more to one person than to another.

Ownership of your number is just as important as acceptance of it. But ownership doesn’t mean having to count each and every single one of your sexual encounters.

I once was in a social situation with a small group of women, we didn’t know each other too well and over a few pitchers in Spoons, we discussed our numbers. One of the girls was very confident and chatty. When it was her turn to divulge she became slightly tense and when she gave her number she then backtracked and said: “well I mean it depends what you count because there was this one time but I don’t count it”.

She then explained how she had been sexually assaulted. She said she didn’t usually count it because of the circumstances it happened under. A few hugs and a long discussion about how she is now in a brilliant place and coped with it so admirably and we all agreed that she didn’t have to count it at all if she didn’t want too.

Yes, when you go to the doctors and they ask about your latest sexual contact its important to be more specific, and I’m not condoning lying to a partner in all situations. But when the circumstances call for it or when it’s your turn to delve into your little black book remember you have the ownership, its no one else’s list and therefore you make it the list you want.

*insert here you’re own philosophical thinking about your number, is that your number?*